I am filled with gratitude.
This money, the total at the bottom of the pic, is the MOST I've spent on groceries since October of 2015.
Nine months of little more than maybe a few bucks to get one thing needed in the moment. Not actual food to cook and prepare.
But, I haven't starved. Why? Because someone else has been buying.
Here's the deal: I'm 36, and live at home with my parents. (How's that for a pickup line?) But, today, that's beginning to change. I bought myself groceries. And I'm only going to go up from here.
Long story short, I've struggled since the economic crash. Living paycheck to paycheck, scraping by, and being blessed with amazing friends who aided me were the only ways I survived. I managed. 2015 was a whole different story. I could no longer live comfortably. What I was making couldn't pay my bills, much less my exorbitant student loans. My choice got down to who got to eat: myself or my dog....and Ginger won every time. And then, I just couldn't anymore. I got behind. I began to drown. I cried a lot. I picked up the phone.
Asking to come home was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was humbled to ask then. I am still humbled by my decision now. I was "supposed" to be all these things by 36....married, kids, good job....and here I was, dropping my suitcases at the threshold of my youth with none of those items at all, except for my fur kid 🐶. Luckily, my parents took me in and have helped me to rebuild my life piece by piece.
The struggle has been very real. The late fall and all of winter was hard. I was so angry. I gave away so many physical possessions. I sold things I swore I'd never sell. I was so depressed. I was so hurt. I felt betrayed. I felt cheated. I felt robbed.
Job searching was hard, especially with said mindset. But, God and His angels blessed me with an amazing opportunity at a great company. They saw my potential even when I couldn't see it in myself.
And I won't squander it. In fact, I've met some amazing people who've made me a better person. They've helped me realize I've still got dreams. And I can still achieve them. Sure, I'm still paycheck to paycheck. I still have my debts. But, I am so grateful for every dollar I receive AND spend. Because I know more is on its way.
I am so thankful for this turn of events. It's not been easy, but it's been mine. And maybe this was part of MY plan all along (to spin off on a Miranda Lambert song)---to go replant my roots at home to figure out I had wings to fly.
You know those heavily planned Sunday Fundays? Where you happily bop from activity to activity until you drift off to sleep grateful for the amazing day you had?
Today was not one of those days for me.
Today became Self Care Sunday, where all my plans were cancelled and I stayed snuggled up nursing a headache.
But, I'll still go to bed tonight grateful for the refueling day I had. Here's how I nurture myself when I wake up feeling heavy, run-down, and worn out.
1. SLEEP--Sunday is the only day I don't have to set my alarm clock. I take advantage by sleeping in and even napping during the day. It was easy to do today, as my headache required me to be in a darkened room while the pain subsided. But, any day I get a lot of sleep makes me feel refreshed and restored.
2. JOURNAL--Writing allows me to figure out what I'm feeling. And then it's all right there for me to see in ink. And then it's up to me how I heal said emotion. But, spending time with my journal and just writing allows thoughts to come to the surface I hadn't fully known existed. Then, I go further into research as to how I can change my thought patterns on this particular emotion/subject/topic. Which leads me to...
3. LISTEN--I get on YouTube and listen to teachings from my favorite spiritual teachers. These teachers help me see things differently and shift my thinking from negative to positive. I put on my headphones and get quiet and just let their words wash over me. My current teachers on repeat are Louise Hay, Gabrielle Bernstein, Jordan Bach, and Amanda Frances. I'll also go to my fave Instagram accounts for uplifting quotes and dialogue. Staying immersed with people who are vibing high keeps me vibing high and healing my wounds as well.
4. Lastly, I WATCH--Before I go to bed, I watch a fave tv show or movie. This brings out my inner hopeless romantic and allows me to dream of positive things for my own life and love. Some of my faves to indulge in are When Calls the Heart, Hallmark Christmas movies (no matter what time of year), Center Stage, Clueless, and most Nicholas Sparks movies.
Now, I want to hear from you. How do you care for yourself during a self care day? Leave a comment below and let's get to talking!