This week has been trying. From Ginger's up all night party attitude (see last post for what's going on with her), to my own illness/doctors appointments/hospital trip....it's been long, exhausting, and just emotional.
Enter my need for comfort. Enter my need for warmth. Enter my need for Pumpkin Almond Waffles...my go to soul food.
Now this is exactly what my body needs. These waffles and a good night's sleep. Well, wait....did I tell you? Last night, Ginger slept!! In a bed--not her own bed, my bed, but hey I'll take it. And she slept All.Night.Long. Cue Lionel Richie please.....you're welcome for getting that song stuck in your head ;)
Seriously can we celebrate for a second....I got a full night's sleep!!!! I'm praying tonight will go just as well. I feel like I've been living in a real life version of Goldilocks & the Three Bears. We've tried sleeping on three different couches and two different beds in order to find the one which is juuuuust right. Fingers crossed this bed is the winner. I'll keep y'all updated for sure. In Ginger's world, it is always an adventure :)
As for my medical world, well, that's always an adventure too. So, for the past two weeks, I've been splitting my time at my day job in two different places. I'm working my usual job and learning a new one, to fill in while some people take upcoming vacations. Well, I was so excited when I was asked to learn this new job. I'm always down for learning & increasing my own skills, especially when it's something I truly love to do.
However, from the first time I walked into that department, my body (and my universe) really began acting funny. And by funny, I mean allergic and malfunctioning. By the time I left from my first day training, I was in a full blown allergy attack--sneezing, watery eyes, and itchy ears. And before I even got into work on that day, my car--my super reliable, always running, old faithful--did not start??? Yeah, I just felt it was a fluke, so I just kept on doing my thing.
By day two's end, my eyes were almost swollen shut. Okay, definitely NOT a fluke. Something was going on...but I didn't want to see it (no pun intended).
Enter this week and more training in the different department. First day, I experienced the same swollen eyes which plagued me the week previous. For my second day; however, things got a bit more serious. I woke up the morning after my second day in that department unable to get a deep breath. It was so scary. As I've alluded to before, I've experienced debilitating panic attacks, and I would get short of breath during those attacks; but, this time felt so different. I knew it was different.
Luckily, I had a doctor's appointment the same morning; and, as soon as I got there, I was sent to the hospital for a chest X-ray and all kinds of allergy & breathing tests. I hadn't experienced any of that before, so I was scared....but what was interesting was I felt more scared to have to tell my bosses I was having health issues and might not be able to fulfill the duties they wanted me to.
Enter my people pleasing nature which has clouded all my life, career, and personal decisions. In fact, pleasing others has even overruled the relationship I have had with myself.
Yeah, that's a heavy realization for me to admit. I can't believe I actually said it out loud. But, the only way to change how I've been living is to bring light to it and learn a new way at the same time. And encourage my moving through this discomfort of changing my ways by eating waffles....tons and tons of waffles.
And a little comfort food (done in moderation of course) is good for the soul. It's good for the psyche. And heck, let's just admit, comfort food, in the form of these waffles, is just good.
But enough about these waffles (for now), let's move back to people pleasing. Because so many of us do it. The actions we take may look different, but the end result is the same--we don't want to disappoint someone else. And I certainly don't like disappointing anyone. Especially my parents; and in this case, especially my boss.
But, as I took multiple breathing tests, chest X-rays, and blood draws this week, I asked myself was the fear of telling someone "no" really worth THIS much? Was it really worth having my health compromised THIS much? And, how many times have I compromised my health in smaller, more subtle ways which have brought me to this moment?
Too many to count. And despite all the evidence I could point to, I still debated about my decision.
So, as I walked out of the hospital, my plastic bracelet still adorning my wrist, I was petrified to tell my boss. But, I also knew until I began standing up for me, I'd continue to repeat these people pleasing situations, albeit in different forms. And the next time I could see that pattern, things might not work out quite as well as they have this time. My decision now was clear.
And by clear, I still had to talk it over with a few coworkers to get their perspective, even their permission, to move forward with telling my boss. And when he got there, I told him. And you know? It was awkward. My voice was shaky and timid. My delivery was quite childlike. But, I did it. The longer I spoke, my voice became more "adult". I spoke clearer. My voice got louder. The tone I used came back down to my normal range. I spoke from my heart, sharing my fear of disappointing him and then having him be mad at me.
And he understood. In fact, he was super concerned WHY I didn't come to him when I first started having physical reactions. And he thanked me for telling him the truth. I mean, who knew telling the truth would feel so good? I'm used to creating elaborate stories, blaming others, and always running around stressed trying to remember what I'd told people. And when I spoke my truth, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. I was removed from the department which was causing so many physical problems. Which was exactly what my heart & soul needed--even if it wasn't what my ego exactly wanted.
Now, I ask you:
Are you a people pleaser?
Are you sacrificing yourself for someone else?
And is it starting to affect your health?
What do you really want to do?
Is your truth in alignment with your current actions?
If yes, great!
If no, then how can you realign to yourself & put yourself first?
Even if your voice shakes, and is high pitched.....maybe even kid like, speak up. The mere act of speaking up begins to raise your confidence; helps you stand in your truth; and, allows the chance for a genuine connection between you and the other person.
And each time you make these waffles, you get the chance to remember that moment where you stood up for you. Now THAT moment is always worth celebrating.
adapted from Nutrition Stripped
So, I've had an issue these past few weeks with my eldest dog, Ginger.
The issue? Seems she's gotten her days and nights messed up. She's a wonderful angel during the day, snuggly & sweet. But, when the lights go out, she turns into a panting, pacing, crazed 11 pound devil. Seriously. Have you tried to sleep with panting going on in your room? Even with a fan and a pillow on my head, it's like the sound which won't go away. Ever.
Now, before I get questions...I know I know I should've totally crated her as a young pup...but I didn't. I allowed her to sleep in my bed from day 1. My bad. She was so cute I couldn't stand it. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a wet nose, wiggly butt, and sweet puppy snuggles.
Last night, as I was listening to Ginger pant for what felt like the 100th plus hour, I thought a lot about hidden messages. There aren't coincidences in this life. Things are happening for us...they are here to teach us about ourselves and what needs to be healed.
All that thought got me asking myself--what is Ginger's panting teaching me??
Why do dogs pant? Well, they pant if they're hot or excited or scared. It's their way to cool the body. How does that relate to me? Well, there used to a time in my 20's when I was up all night too. Scared. Panicking. Heart racing. Light headed. Unable to calm down.
Yep, I suffered from debilitating panic attacks. So debilitating I've been to the ER more than a few times thinking I was dying. I even had a panic attack during a date....and let me tell you, fainting is NOT the best way to make a first impression.
After a lot of talking therapy, my panic attacks all were brought on by feeling life was closing in on me. On the outside, it looked like I was a successful, bright 22 year old who was ready to graduate college & embark on life. But, on the inside, I felt the walls were closing in on me. I felt my life was already decided for me; and, there was no room for my own soul to speak.
Could Ginger be claustrophobic like I was during that time in my life? Is she just delivering a message for me right now? Hmmmmmm really Universe??? Orrrrr is this me being delirious at 3am????
One thing I did come up with during my 3am listening sessions was the idea of these savory waffles. I have been craving sundried tomatoes like nobody's business recently. Adding in olives, dried basil, cream cheese, and vegan Parmesan made me realize I had a winner. The texture is reminiscent of a yummy cream cheese biscuit I used to eat years ago before my gluten free life.
But, would anyone actually want to eat savory waffles? Oh yeah, I think they totally will. I know I did. I ate the whole batch in less than one day...oops.
Sometimes good things do come out of those late night, unable to sleep moments.
As for deciphering the hidden messages from my panting dog, I do feel she's a mirror for me. There is an area of my life where I am feeling boxed in. I've been working through a lot of hurt, wounds, and old stories. And I've hit one major area where there's a block. It's an area where I've felt stuck for many years. And I'm feeling all kinds of fear moving through this boulder.....obstacle.....avalanche of emotions.
I just hate Ging had to deal with this as my messenger. I wished I would have been awake enough to see it during the daytime. But, sometimes we've got to be shaken awake (literally in my case) in order to see what's up.
Next time you've been shaken awake, make these waffles. They're sure to shed some light on how to move forward....I know they did for me.
adapted from Edible Perspective
I had a trusted sister friend call me a fighter and a scrapper the other day.
She suggested deep down in my heart, if I didn't have anything to fight for, I was lost.
And those words just grabbed a hold of my soul & didn't let go. I initially denied this. I told her I didn't feel like it was me at all. But, those words replay in my head daily. Heck, I've even dreamed about the conversation we had.
Know why? I didn't want to admit this; but, she was right.
I've been feeling very disconnected lately. From myself. From my heart. From my blog. From my friends. From everything
I'm sure there are many reasons for this--my chronic fatigue; the recent appearance of severe allergies; financial woes; my swirling mind, etc. etc. One other reason I couldn't quite put my finger on until my friend gave me that puzzle piece? Because I'm not fighting for anything.
Or am I?
I've always thought fighting had to be hard. Like punching, kicking, and screaming my way out of the corner every time. In fact, I've lived a lot of my life in that way. And burned my body out in the process.
There's a quote out there somewhere saying sometimes fighting isn't so abrasive....it may just be getting up each day & trying again. Well, just getting up and trying has become my mantra...
And while it's great for me in regards to my chronic fatigue (somedays just getting up IS a victory for the day); in regards to my blog/career/life purpose, this mantra leaves me feeling very very uncreative and uninspired.
Maybe fighting though doesn't have to be super violent or energy draining to get the job done.
Maybe fighting is just using the tools you're given to make a statement which inspires, motivates, and propels you forward. Perhaps it's just a realignment of your perspective to create both internal and external change.
And I've got some shifting to do.
While the shifting can take place in many many places in my life, I'm focusing here on the blog. To reignite my game. To reignite my love for creating waffles. To reignite my brain and engage my heart.
So, what exactly am I fighting for while using this platform?
With this blog, I'm fighting to show people cooking in the kitchen can be fun. I'm fighting to show people food doesn't have to be boring to be healthy. I'm showing people what is possible by giving themselves permission to live outside of the boundaries they've placed on themselves. I'm fighting to put fun back into the kitchen and bring your creative dreams to light. I want you to throw diet rules out the window....and fight for the right to hear your body outside of restriction and punishment and deprivation. I want you to hear your own heart beat and listen to what it tells you. I'm fighting for you to come alive. To live beyond fear. To embrace the present moment. To empower yourself to shed the old stories and step into your own life.
See, I've spent a lot of my life searching for a key. One key to unlock the door to everything--happiness, prosperity, love, peace, etc. I always thought, "When I get xyz, then I'll have made it". This was with just about everything in my life--a home, a boyfriend, a job, a fitness regime, a diet, a friend, a raise, a promotion, etc. etc.
The cycle never ended and was exhausting. Each thing I encountered, I would literally ask, "Are you the one? Are you it for me?"
Wow, what a shit ton of pressure I put on myself & on the "thing" I was hunting for in my life. No wonder most of it (*cough* ALL of it *cough*) fell apart. I placed so much pressure on myself and others things naturally crumbled under this gigantic weight. Even me.
So, I gotta get back to the basics. I've made things so complicated I've forgotten my original fight. There is no key. There is no one thing to "save" me. It's the choices I make everyday which lead me to where I'm going.
I am a fighter. I'm wondering, are you a fighter too? What are you fighting for--for yourself, for your business, for your life? Take time to think about your original reasons for fighting, especially if you feel lost. I bet it will rekindle the fire you totally thought was snuffed out.
Because thinking about my original why gave me the spark I needed to step into the kitchen and create these gorgeous hemp waffles.
Yep, hemp. I've been teased for being a hippie/granola and I'm fully embracing it with these waffles. Because they are freaking delicious and healthy. Yes, you can have both of those things at the same time.
And for those who've not yet experimented with hemp, this isn't the stuff which will get you high. I get a lot of questions about that during my day job, so I'm busting this myth now. These are just the seeds of goodness--full of essential fatty acids our body needs to function at its optimal level. Think assisting with heart, brain, and immune system health. They do have a very unique & nutty taste, so flavor your batter accordingly (in this case, I used a whole tablespoon of vanilla extract to mellow out the nuttiness to appeal to my never been exposed to hemp before family). And they all loved it! The smell, the texture, the crunch...they are hemp believers now! My job then for this post is done.
Remember--it's totally cool to be a fighter (because we all are in one way or another); but, not everything has to be a true physical grudge match. Sometimes it really is just reminding yourself of your why....realigning with that why...and moving from that place of realignment.
Let me ask you---where are you moving from these days? Are you aligned with your original idea? Or do you need to remind yourself why you began...and then try again?
Keep going fighter. I believe in you.
adapted from Manitoba Harvest
You know what I've been really obsessing over lately?
Quotes. Well, not all the quotes. Just one.
"Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?"
Danielle LaPorte spoke such truth with that statement.
And it's got me thinking big time who I was. Who I used to be. What I used to love. And what needs to come back into my life.
Like these waffles.
See, I used to love zucchini bread. In fact, it was one of the only ways I would ingest veggies when I was younger. I mean what's not to love--butter, walnuts, oil, and more butter. Those green veggies...meh....they were just a side benefit lol
However, the times have changed quite dramatically. My cherry coke obsession has switched to kombucha. My daily Cheetos fix have been replaced by carrot sticks. And gluten, well it's been out of my life for a few years. But, just because life has thrown me curve balls, doesn't mean that I can't have my zucchini bread anymore.
Because I totally can. And so can you.
Going even deeper, who were you before the world started telling you who to be?
I'll start. I was a dreamer. A girl who loved her books and travelled to different worlds each & everyday. My faves? Sweet Valley High & The Babysitter's Club....with some Nancy Drew mixed in. I'd lay in the hammock each summer just napping, reading, and dreaming. Dreaming of traveling the world. Of eating a French macaroon in France. Of standing at the top of the Grand Canyon. Seeing the Space Needle in Seattle. And visiting the ski slopes in Vancouver. And being a girl growing up in the prairie making our own breads, butters, and cakes. Then the world told me being a dreamer was wrong. Being a dreamer didn't pay the bills. So, I stopped.
I also wrote. A lot. In journals. In slam books. In quote books. I felt freedom writing my thoughts down. I felt freedoms realizing new insights. And then the world told me I wasn't a good writer. Writing didn't pay the bills either, so I needed to be smart and not do something so artsy.
Yeah the world told me to be realistic. It kept me hiding for so long. Playing small. And now it's time to step out of hiding.
How? By doing those things I love. By writing (hi there!). By reading again (send me any suggestions please!). Celebrating the fun hobbies of my youth. Celebrating the fun hobbies in my life now. Celebrating all parts of me--the parts which got hated on; the parts which have been loved on; the parts which I've hated on; and, the parts I've loved on.
One way it all culminates these days: And by making celebratory waffles. Lots and lots of waffles. Won't you pull up a chair & join in?
adapted from The Roasted Root
While we may have already technically had the first day of Spring, I usually look to Easter as the unofficial start of my Spring. Since today is Easter Sunday, I'm personally making a fresh start.
This is time of year, regardless of religion, is about rebirth, renewal, and fresh beginnings. And I don't know about you, but I totally get behind anytime I get a fresh start. Mother Nature is rocking rebirth all day long--tulips blooming; trees sprouting leaves; little animals coming out of hibernation--not to mention the lovely yellow tinge of pollen which adorns everything outdoor object, moving or not.
Also, our diets naturally change too. From craving warm soups, oatmeal, and pasta dishes, to wanting quicker, cooler dishes like salads, tacos, cereal, and sandwiches. The spices we crave change. The fruits & veggies we eat change. One thing which doesn't change with the seasons, even if all ingredients inside them do, is my desire for waffle-y goodness. And I bet if you were to be honest, you do too.
Yep, you got that right....Hot cross bun waffles.....with a citrusy twist.
Citrus? Yes, a navel orange to be exact. And to me, citrus scents symbolize cleanliness, renewal, and true fresh starts. Plus, with the addition of currants & grain free flours, we are totally in business!!
As we move into the beginning of a new week, it's important to take some time to connect within; figure out which actions feel the most expansive for yourself; and, get to it!
So, got any ideas for what you'd like to do? I have one major goal: to slow down.
I've been running around these past few weeks, burning my candle at both ends. I've been exhausted, cranky, and sleep deprived. And that combination doesn't make for a super happy Brooke. And when I become aware of this pattern, then it's change time for me.
What will a slow down look like for me when I still have a full time job to go to and other adult responsibilities to meet?
Well, I'm planning out time each day to just chill. And this is not something I've actually consciously chosen to do before. But, in order for me to change, I've got to do things I've never done right?
This carved out time can be used for me to journal, to practice yoga, to meditate, to dream, to nap, or to even sit in silence. It's just time for me to turn inside and remember who I am. Where my heart is. And where my heart wants to move toward.
Most of the time, my heart wants to move toward creating waffles.
Who am I to deprive myself?
What are you planning for this season of rebirth? A huge project(s)? Or is it simply to be? I'd love to hear your goals in the comments below.
And I'd love to hear how you feel about these waffles!
adapted from rachLmansfield
Deep down, we all want to fit into one group or another. And there's no shame in that--it's so totally a human thing to do.
There are many ways to "fit" in...wearing certain clothes, participating in various activities, speaking in the same vernacular, etc.
One way we can "fit" in is by talking about others. I know....I know....I can't fully believe I'm admitting this out loud either, but it's so important. Because we all have our faults/shadow sides we don't want others to see. But, what's one way to move through the darkness? By shining a light on it! So, I'm shining my light into a part of my soul which has long become a dark & dingy place. Maybe you'll join me so we can move through it together? Because I'm kinda afraid of the dark. It's just creepy.
Yes, I used to gossip about others to fit in with my office culture. In fact, I found myself just last week speaking ill of someone. Usually, I can do that and walk away unscathed. But, this particular day, I remember driving home from work and feeling gross. Weighted down even. Burdened. Dirty.
What did I do? Well, I went to my trusty journal and channeled how I was feeling in my heart space. I began writing and the only thing I could write over & over was---I don't wanna do this anymore. It feels gross. And it's always gotten me in trouble. With friends. With coworkers. Even with bosses.
And you know what? Despite the fact I'm 37, I still detest getting into trouble. Maybe it's my people pleasing nature...but I hate it. I don't like disappointing anyone because of the words I've said behind someone's back.
So, I decided it stops. Now. Because words hurt. I've had so many words hurled at me for many years which I know have left scars. I don't want to do the same to others.
So, to celebrate this new found revelation (only three decades in the making!), I created a waffle to show off our sweet...and our often, shall I say, rather "salty" sides.
Think classic Belgian waffles with a maple coconut sea salt sauce. Yeah...you heard it right. Maple + coconut + sea salt = sweet and salty collision of flavor.
This sauce is a Pinch of Yum creation, so I can't take credit. But, it was my idea to spread the sauce over waffles. And I've got to admit, it's good idea if I do say so myself ;).
In creating the sauce, I did leave the almond butter a bit chunky, because I absolutely love freshly ground smooth-ish almond butter from the bulk section of my grocery store.
Reason number 1,235,762 I'm weird...I love me some chunky sauces. Seriously. I prefer them. Give me a chunky bowl of smoothie/ice cream/oatmeal/grits/rice & veggie bowl/salad, etc. I gotta have various textures in my creations. It gives my teeth something I can bite into. While smooth can be good, chunky is better (even if the word itself doesn't sound so pleasing).
How's the no gossip thing going so far?
Well, while it's only been a week, I do feel freer. I'm not always looking behind me/around me when I open my mouth. You know that action....looking around you like an owl ensuring you're "free" to speak. Not having to look around in an almost 360 degree manor definitely is giving my neck a chance to loosen up. And it's shifted my focus to looking forward. Because I have a lot to look forward to. I've got big things in my future. And you know what? So do you.
The other thing I've noticed? I'm just actually speaking directly to the person the situation involves. I'm thinking before I speak. I've realized my words don't need to be harsh or cutting. I just need to speak my truth in a respectful and heartfelt way.
Despite this week being super positive and motivating for this new way of life, I'm also aware things will not be easy. I'll have bumps along this path. I will catch myself in a place where my ego wants to fit in/join in on some of the office gossip. I may even engage in it. I'm human.
But, what matters is my willingness to see where I've stumbled, become aware of my choices, recognize those feelings, and then let them go. By forgiving myself. By giving myself grace. By being able to focusing on what's ahead and not having to crane my neck into a pretzel to make sure I'm not heard by this person or that person.
I must admit, I'm scared to post this. I don't want to be seen in a bad light. I'm not a constant shit talker by any means. My ego is telling me, "You are not so bad. Don't share these words. People will hate you." But, admittedly, my mouth has gotten me into major trouble over my years. I've lost friends. I've lost credibility. I've lost self respect. And I don't want to lose anything else.
As I awaken, I'm leaving the actions behind which no longer serve me. And this action no longer serves me. So, when I know better, I'm definitely choosing to do better. And this no gossip position is just better.
So is this waffle. Make it to celebrate all of your sides. Make it to motivate yourself to keep going in your resolutions.
Heck, just make it because it tastes good. Celebrate the everyday victories. They do add up.
Do you have anything you're struggling with? Are you afraid to share your dark, aka "salty" side? Use the comments below to share your own journey, and let's share your own keys to help one another move through these revelations together!
Ever had an acquaintance (whether at work or school) who you casually say hi to but never get more in depth than that? There's nothing wrong with the person, it's just you don't really converse.
Until one day....you guys just start talking and boom--everything clicks. You discover you've both experienced similar life circumstances; you think similarly about things; or, you're currently going through the same situation.
That happened to me today. It's a coworker I've really only exchanged pleasantries with. But, we began
chatting today and woah, we have a lot in common. And honestly, that's exciting because I love making new friends and always seeing that we as a people are way more connected than I even think.
This is actually how I was with this waffle combo. I mean, toasted coconut and I have always been nice to one another. We've said hello in passing. We've shared a few pleasantries. But, we've never really gotten acquainted.
While I knew roasting veggies in the oven brought about a depth of flavor the stovetop can't provide, I had no idea toasting coconut shreds would make them more robust, flavorful, and coconutty.
I mean, that's a word right?
Yep, in this big ole waffle word, it sure is. One because of the amazing amount of coconut in this recipe. But, two, because I did do something nutty--I used syrup to dress my waffles.
Yes, me. I used syrup. There's a first time for everything. And I did it. And you know? It was...delish. Certainly something I will do again. Very soon.
Once the coconut is toasted, its blended with sugar and then the rest is quick to assemble. Perfect for a quick weekend breakfast before you run off to tackle your to do lists.
But, you can definitely take your time when you make these waffles. Cut on a playlist; roll up your sleeves; and, just really enjoy the waffle making process.
Creating these waffles is like nurturing a new friendship. You get to spend time together and dig deep into your likes, dislikes, desires, and pet peeves. You bond over favorite music, flavors, and books. You try new things together. You create new memories. You create new experiences. You create new bonds.
I know I'm looking forward to nurturing a new friendship; y'all know I've nurtured these waffles--now it's your time to get acquainted.
You may discover, much like I did, these toasted coconut waffles are worth beginning a new relationship.
Pleased to meet ya coconut. Let's visit again real soon.
adapted from Minimalist Baker
This week while it's been warm, it's been raining. And you know what "they" say--April showers bring May flowers.
So this means May will be gorgeous!!
And as the weather warms up, it seems my brain thaws out too. This winter has felt like I've been constantly in a fog--has it felt like that for you? Or is it just me?
Either way, let's celebrate spring shall we.....by whisking inside the box.
Isn't that contradictory to your blog title? Well, no not really. Let me explain...
My blog title is about taking your breakfast/brunch/lunch/dinner outside of our normal boxes--cereal box, granola box, pop tart box, freezer box--and into the kitchen to create something wonderful, healthy, and heart nourishing.
Now, if you find an amazing (aka healthy & gluten free) mix inside of a box, then by all means get in the kitchen & make it happen.
There's the literal name of the blog, but knowing me there's gotta be a deeper meaning...right B?
Right. The name takes on a whole other meaning if one enters into the area of the heart.
Most of us have a box we put ourselves into, whether we know it or not. Boxes can include things like wife, daughter, friend, lover, coworker, boss, granddaughter, parent, teacher, volunteer, etc. Within those boxes, there are certain rules/expectations which occur. These "rules" (for lack of a better term) can be spoken or unspoken. But, sometimes, those roles can feel a bit...constricting. And it's necessary to break through, even just a little, to whisk outside of your box.
At least that's what happened to me. I needed to whisk outside of my own boxes--the ones I'd adopted & embodied both consciously & subconsciously.
How did I whisk out of my boxes? Well, I've created this blog & created some awesome waffles for starters. That's opened up a whole other world of connection, creation, and idea generation.
And here we are again, full circle...the waking from a long winters nap.
And as my brain wakes up, I have so many goals I'm wanting to conquer. What are they? Well, let's see:
1. Get in some learnin'. How will I do that? Podcasts. And public radio. Got any suggestions? Because here are my faves
2. Starting a new project...the #100DayProject to be exact. 100 days of....playing guitar. That's right, I've picked up my axe again to play. It's day 2, but I'm determined to get back to my musical roots. I mean, I wasn't the greatest, but I sure do love to belt out Taylor Swift songs. What is the 100 day project? Well, it's a project where you give 100 days to creation of something/anything. It's where you can express yourself through any medium you choose. I thought about doing 100 days of blogging, or journaling.....but those things I do on the regular. I wanted something I haven't done in a while....or at all. So, this round I chose the thing I love but haven't done in a while. I'm also interested in doing a project where I take a new picture daily & post it. Maybe that's a project which has another name/length of time, but so intriguing. I have some amazing friends who are photographers, so seeing their work inspires me (not just food photos either!).
I'm sure there's a third goal out there somewhere, but I'm simmering down my list making/mega numbering ways.....so two it is. I think that's plenty to tackle this month. Maybe in May, things will be more aggressive, but for now, I'm easing into this brain thaw. And I'm sure by the end of the month, I'll be liking where I am.
Come me along with me as I do this thaw thing....and share some amazing waffles in the process!
Now, I'd love for you to share with me what some (or all) of your goals are during this month. Join the conversation below and let's celebrate the arrival of spring & the shedding of our winter cloaks.
I was gonna write something cutesy, as an ode to my love of Honey Nut Cheerios. But, that's not where my head or my heart is these days.
I am awakening to things in my past which have shaped me into who I currently am. I realize how I've become the words I didn't want to identify myself with. I realize I'm uncomfortable in this space of not knowing. And by not knowing, I mean admitting to everyone how I don't have clarity for the future. I don't even really know where I'm going past my current job, my current financial status, and my current chronic fatigued state.
All these feelings I'm experiencing are all a blur. That's why I'm glad I've had an outlet--it's made me a better waffle creator. So, in a sense, this will be a cutesy post...even if it's mixed in with seriousness.
I've been writing in my journal a lot recently. Giving myself readings (contact me here if you'd like one especially for you); reflecting on my day to day; and brainstorming for the blog/my business. One thing which has kept coming up in my writing is the idea of doing things before you're ready....and letting fear/our old beliefs get in the way. Let me explain....
I had a conversation a couple of weeks ago where I was encouraging a colleague to do more/be more/let her creativity & personality shine. She's very talented, witty, and sees things from a logical & real perspective. I wanted her to see what I see. I wanted her to know she has an infinite amount of talent.
"I wish I believed that."
Ouch, right? What a way to shut down any thought or dream of going to a higher place. Of being different. Of utilizing your talent in a unique way. That statement just ended the conversation right then & there. I had nothing more to say. My heart broke for those limiting beliefs.
The abrupt end to the conversation shook me. It was all I could think about. I went home that evening, sat down to write, and it hit me.
The reason why it shook me to my core was because I was feeling the same way in my own life! If all relationships are mirrors, this relationship just shined a tremendously reflective (dare I say even X-ray like) mirror straight into my soul. "I wish I believed that" has been something I've embodied since the first time I rememeber hearing a teacher call me smart. Do you know what my response has ALWAYS been since that time?
"I'm not smart. I just work hard." I totally shut down any compliments (and the compliment giver) the second I hear them. Even though it is unspoken to the compliment givers, "I wish I believed that" is the whisper which rattles throughout my bones and killed more dreams than I probably even know.
Those words have become that engrained in my being. Because when people encourage me in the way I encouraged my colleague, I shut them down too. Her response has always been my response.
No no wonder my heart broke when she responded to my encouragement. It's the same way my heart breaks when I say those words to myself.
"Well, now what?" I kept writing that sentence over & over in my journal. I mean, it's all well & good to have such an ephiphany; but, what do I do with this knowledge now?
I wrote that question until I had my answer--"I'm waitin' on ya."
Uh, I'm sorry, what's that inner wisdom? Waiting on me?? I kinda don't get where you're going with this.....
(Good thing my inner wisdom hasn't given up on me. I ask ALOT of questions & need ALOT of things clarified lol)
Waiting on me....Waiting on me.....oh! waiting on me. To change my thinking. To reverse that statement. To embody something new. To flip the script from "I wish I believed that" to "I completely believe that". To choose away from my default, break myself down setting towards one which uplifts & fills me with confidence.
Ahhhh....that makes sense.
But, true change isn't just going to come from one day of swapping out one statement for the other. It's repeatedly flexing my statement change muscle (probably multiple times a day) to reverse the old engrained "I wish I believed that" belief.
Changing these statements seems daunting. Heck, as fatigued as I've been experiencing recently, changing this belief sounds downright exhausting. But, I guess my inner wisdom knew I'd feel this way (she's all smart like that), because she wrote something which put it into perspective for me--think about how you learned to cook.
Of course, my life analogies would go back to food. Everything in my life always comes back to food.
But, I gotta hand it to my inner wisdom. She's right. When I first learned how to cook, it was awkward. I mean I made quite a mess (oh wait...I still do). Back then though, I overcooked pasta and undercooked eggs. I burned veggies and made bacon into charcoal. I lit oven mitts on fire and melted spatulas. But, the more times I got into the kitchen, the more comfortable I became with everything (except cooking meat...my germ phobe self never got used to that...glad it's not currently in the mix!)
Recipes didn't look so daunting anymore. I experimented (successfully!) with new ingredients. I bought new gadgets (hi there waffle maker!). I expanded my knife skills. I learned the food lingo. I went to culinary school. I got a job as baker. Now, kitchen time is as second nature to me as brushing my teeth.
,That is encouraging. I mean, the more I change my disbelief statement into a belief one, the more comfy I'll get with it. The more it will become second nature. The more I will embody the new and leave the old behind. The more it truly will represent who I am right now and not who I was in the past.
I hope my colleague is reading this right now. I hope this resonates with you as well. Because each one of us has some old belief which rattles around inside of our bodies. We've believed it for years and years. It's become our default answer/setting/response. We didn't know there was another way.
Change is hard. Shifting beliefs is tiring. But think about something you love to do. At first, when you begin anything, it felt awkward. You had to learn steps/procedures/movements etc to build your skills. It took practice, but you did it. Now, it's easy to just do your thing! You probably don't even have to think about it. It's become that second nature.
Same idea with these new beliefs. And same idea with this waffle recipe. In addition to what I learned about how to bake over the years, it took time for me to learn how to use my current waffle maker (each one has it's own personality/temperament I believe). It's taking time for me to learn how to take better food photos (that's the current skill I'm learning to cultivate).
That's not to say you or I can't pick up a new skill(s)/recipe/belief statement on the first try. We can. But, for it to become a habit, it's got to be part of a daily practice. The more we do something, the better we become at it.
And I don't know about you, but I want to get better at instantly responding with a positive, life affirming statement instead of one which reflects self inflicted limits and keeping myself in a box.
Because you know we don't stay inside boxes round these here parts. :)
So, as we expand and awaken to things around us, it's up to us to use what we learn from our relationships in an expansive and life shifting way. We have the choice to use the mirror of our relationships to rewrite the patterns which have kept us stuck. We get the choice to release our pasts to step forward into our present. We also have the choice to not eat bad waffles.
And I'm all about that choice. Life is just too short to eat bad waffles. Instead, recreate these honey nut waffles in your own kitchen. You'll be reminded about how sweet life can be if we take the time to heed life's lessons. Enjoy!
adapted from A Breakfast Drama Queen