I have woken up every morning this week with bone crushing fear. On Tuesday, it was so bad I could barely breathe. It's why I decided to "lay my heart bare", the #Truthbomb I posted from Danielle LaPorte.
Energetically, I've had this particular week pegged as amazing for a lot of reasons.
First, I got the chance to reconnect with my best friend in the whole wide world, Madeline. Even though it can be months (or in one case a little over a year), each time we reconnect, it's like like no time as passed. My life feels much more complete when we hang out because we share everything and leave space for one another to sort it out. I have a renewed sense of purpose and connection to myself after we talk. Kinda like everything will be okay.
Second, I met the amazing Heather Crosby from Yumuniverse and Gluten Free Baking Academy in Asheville to celebrate the release of her second cookbook, Pantry to Plate. I've been excited about this for months! Heather and I have chatted on IG, FB, and through email....so it was so nice to put a face to a name (and snag a picture of us too)! I'll have an interview with her and giveaway very soon...so stay tuned.
Lastly, I made the decision to begin sharing more of myself--in pictures, especially. For a while, you didn't see my face. You only read my words. I didn't want to be seen. I just wanted to pour my heart all over the page. And I did...and that's been super cool...but somehow it just felt awkward and impersonal. So, here I am, sharing myself and my heart.
But, with all of this energetic awesomeness, comes the bad---well, maybe I should say interesting. So today, when I woke up and felt fear creep in...I did something different. I invited fear to breakfast.
Uh, what Brooke? Inviting fear to breakfast?
Yeah, I can see your faces from across the screen--part shock, part questioning, heck maybe even you're rolling your eyes and mouthing crazy.
I get it. It was foreign to me too. Until I heard a meditation on Tuesday and it suggested to invite fear inside. It even said instead of merely shutting down with fear (which I admit I do quicker than anything), ask fear questions. See what the chat will reveal. Hence my breakfast idea.
I love getting fancy with my waffles, but you know, sometimes only simple will do. Especially when you're gripped in fear and can barely move. This recipe used simple flavors to create delicious results. Banana. Maple syrup. Ground ginger. The "trio of comfort" as I'd like to dub it today gave me comfort while tackling a rather uncomfy situation.
Now, I know you're all wondering how fear showed up for breakfast. I mean, I made her a plate and all. It's what a good host does. But, she came in rather abruptly, as fear tends to do, but sat rather still during our chat.
Turns out, there were things we needed to discuss. The first thing she brought up was to be recognized and acknowledged. She wanted me to merely see her and not run away. She was here to give me a message, not send me to shut down mode.
The other thing she gave me advice for was to breathe. Not sure where I heard this, but fear is excitement without breath. She said I hadn't been breathing deep at all, and I needed to calm down and give these exciting things some breath. It would free up some space in my chest and give me some space to decipher my own thoughts.
Lastly, she gave me permission. Yeah, fear gave me permission. Permission to feel all these feelings. I'm doing things in my life which are totally different from my usual responses. I'm moving outside of my comfort zone. I'm looking at things in a new way. I'm listening to how I feel instead of just gut reacting to things. And it's uncomfortable. I'm stepping out and owning my power. And it is different. So it's normal for me to be scared and fearful. I'm training new empowerment muscles. And it feels good and scary at the same time. But that means my new way of doing things is working.
Somehow I bet I'm not the only person dealing with fear right now. A lot of y'all are doing some majorly brave shit. And I'm in awe of you. But, if you are fearful and don't know exactly why, try inviting fear to breakfast. Or coffee. Or heck, just to come to meet you at your journal. Be kind with yourself. Ask good questions. And if all else fails, make her some waffles. I bet that'll win fear over....you think?