Deep down, we all want to fit into one group or another. And there's no shame in that--it's so totally a human thing to do.
There are many ways to "fit" in...wearing certain clothes, participating in various activities, speaking in the same vernacular, etc.
One way we can "fit" in is by talking about others. I know....I know....I can't fully believe I'm admitting this out loud either, but it's so important. Because we all have our faults/shadow sides we don't want others to see. But, what's one way to move through the darkness? By shining a light on it! So, I'm shining my light into a part of my soul which has long become a dark & dingy place. Maybe you'll join me so we can move through it together? Because I'm kinda afraid of the dark. It's just creepy.
Yes, I used to gossip about others to fit in with my office culture. In fact, I found myself just last week speaking ill of someone. Usually, I can do that and walk away unscathed. But, this particular day, I remember driving home from work and feeling gross. Weighted down even. Burdened. Dirty.
What did I do? Well, I went to my trusty journal and channeled how I was feeling in my heart space. I began writing and the only thing I could write over & over was---I don't wanna do this anymore. It feels gross. And it's always gotten me in trouble. With friends. With coworkers. Even with bosses.
And you know what? Despite the fact I'm 37, I still detest getting into trouble. Maybe it's my people pleasing nature...but I hate it. I don't like disappointing anyone because of the words I've said behind someone's back.
So, I decided it stops. Now. Because words hurt. I've had so many words hurled at me for many years which I know have left scars. I don't want to do the same to others.
So, to celebrate this new found revelation (only three decades in the making!), I created a waffle to show off our sweet...and our often, shall I say, rather "salty" sides.
Think classic Belgian waffles with a maple coconut sea salt sauce. Yeah...you heard it right. Maple + coconut + sea salt = sweet and salty collision of flavor.
This sauce is a Pinch of Yum creation, so I can't take credit. But, it was my idea to spread the sauce over waffles. And I've got to admit, it's good idea if I do say so myself ;).
In creating the sauce, I did leave the almond butter a bit chunky, because I absolutely love freshly ground smooth-ish almond butter from the bulk section of my grocery store.
Reason number 1,235,762 I'm weird...I love me some chunky sauces. Seriously. I prefer them. Give me a chunky bowl of smoothie/ice cream/oatmeal/grits/rice & veggie bowl/salad, etc. I gotta have various textures in my creations. It gives my teeth something I can bite into. While smooth can be good, chunky is better (even if the word itself doesn't sound so pleasing).
How's the no gossip thing going so far?
Well, while it's only been a week, I do feel freer. I'm not always looking behind me/around me when I open my mouth. You know that action....looking around you like an owl ensuring you're "free" to speak. Not having to look around in an almost 360 degree manor definitely is giving my neck a chance to loosen up. And it's shifted my focus to looking forward. Because I have a lot to look forward to. I've got big things in my future. And you know what? So do you.
The other thing I've noticed? I'm just actually speaking directly to the person the situation involves. I'm thinking before I speak. I've realized my words don't need to be harsh or cutting. I just need to speak my truth in a respectful and heartfelt way.
Despite this week being super positive and motivating for this new way of life, I'm also aware things will not be easy. I'll have bumps along this path. I will catch myself in a place where my ego wants to fit in/join in on some of the office gossip. I may even engage in it. I'm human.
But, what matters is my willingness to see where I've stumbled, become aware of my choices, recognize those feelings, and then let them go. By forgiving myself. By giving myself grace. By being able to focusing on what's ahead and not having to crane my neck into a pretzel to make sure I'm not heard by this person or that person.
I must admit, I'm scared to post this. I don't want to be seen in a bad light. I'm not a constant shit talker by any means. My ego is telling me, "You are not so bad. Don't share these words. People will hate you." But, admittedly, my mouth has gotten me into major trouble over my years. I've lost friends. I've lost credibility. I've lost self respect. And I don't want to lose anything else.
As I awaken, I'm leaving the actions behind which no longer serve me. And this action no longer serves me. So, when I know better, I'm definitely choosing to do better. And this no gossip position is just better.
So is this waffle. Make it to celebrate all of your sides. Make it to motivate yourself to keep going in your resolutions.
Heck, just make it because it tastes good. Celebrate the everyday victories. They do add up.
Do you have anything you're struggling with? Are you afraid to share your dark, aka "salty" side? Use the comments below to share your own journey, and let's share your own keys to help one another move through these revelations together!