So, this was the card I pulled yesterday...the freedom card...and I got to thinking about a time in my life when my freedom was taken away. When my days were filled with locked doors and people watching my every move.
And oddly enough, that was a time in my life I felt freer than I had in a while. I was locked away from the problems which faced me in the outside world. I didn't have to think about the job I had grown to despise. I didn't have to face my romantic relationship, which was crumbling in front of my eyes. I didn't have to deal with the strained relations with my parents. I could just focus on me...one of the first real steps to my healing.
Where is this magical place you may ask? Well, it certainly wasn't an all expense paid vacation to an exotic island....but to a day program at a eating disorders rehabilitation facility.
Hi, I'm Brooke and I'm a recovering anorexic/exercise bulimic. And yes, I went to rehab.
This is something I've not shared to many people. In fact, my parents and brother have no clue (hi family!). Guess they do now 😉 But part of me experiencing freedom is by getting it all out in the open. Releasing this secret I've carried around which has become more than cumbersome. And healing to me means shedding the cloak of lies I've carried around in order to be more free, and help others in the process.
I've struggled with this eating disorder since I was 17 years old...I went to rehab at 32....and still have days where those thoughts consume me something terrible (I'm 36 now). I've dealt with this struggle over half of my life. I've gained weight, lost weight, gained it all back, binge ate, starved, took pills, exercised myself into oblivion, and everything in between. I couldn't see a life past all of that, even as I looked ahead to my 40s and beyond.
Boy, has chronic fatigue taught me a lot. And filled me with a lot of regret for the health I had back then. I took my health for granted. I took my physical abilities for granted. I abused myself. And it's now I've been paying for the repercussions. But, I see it's all for my purpose....for me moving into greater freedom in my life, no matter if I'm behind a locked door or out in the great wide open.
What purpose is this? To teach people self love. To teach movement with ease and breath behind the movement. To teach people how to cook nourishing and fun foods which fuel their body. To appreciate the body you have at this moment. To recognize thoughts are simply that...thoughts. And as Louise Hay says, "A thought can always be changed." To release the behaviors which punish, abuse, and harass our own bodies. To move from a place of self love and away from self hate. To share my story and work with you to show you have another choice. You have another chance. You can choose again.
After all, you're always one choice away from a completely different life. Choose love. Choose to live fearlessly. Choose to believe in your power. Choose freedom. You are worth it.
Ps. If you want to see my daily angel cards, catch me on Instagram @brooke_langford_