This week, I've been overcome--no make that overwhelmed--with a tremendous sense of gratitude.
Which I have to admit is quite odd considering my default setting is a one way trip to negative town, via the pessimism expressway.
But, this new setting is really cool. This morning, I took the time to watch a bluebird peck around in our planters while washing the dishes. It was strangely satisfying.
Getting into the kitchen to utilize my talents fills up my heart space. Because, there was a time not too long ago, less than 6 months in fact, when I wasn't well enough to even stand up for even 10 minutes to boil pasta.
Regaining enough strength to get back into the kitchen and cook for myself has been life affirming. I was so down in the dumps about not being able to care for myself (hello moving back in with my folks), it is like my own personal recognition of getting better. And releasing my bonds of self punishment by getting back on the waffle making wagon has added another level of healing in my emotional and spiritual realms.
Releasing the punishment has also helped to bring the "new" into my life--new friendships, new opportunities for career growth, and new outlets for my creativity (hi you lovely blog readers!).
I bet you're wondering---how did this releasing occur? Well, I'm glad you asked! I began to release the moment I decided to forgive myself. What has that entailed? Well, it began with saying out loud, "I choose to forgive myself." It also entails looking right into the mirror, right into my own eyes, and saying, "I forgive you and I love you." If it works for Louise Hay, it's good enough for me. Yes, it felt funny. And it still kinda does feel funny. But, I say it anyway. Over & over. Either phrase or both together. It's opened a while new line of communication with myself. Before, I was only able to "hear" my inner voice when I picked up my journal and began to write. Now, I can "hear" my inner wisdom speak during other times--the shower, my car, heck even a public toilet stall.
This is still a work in progress however. I have a ways to go. I desire to fully trust my wisdom and what it says. I have a tendency to second guess the messages I get--which is really frustrating, and super awkward to question yourself like this. Blame it on my control freak ego and the need to know right now.
Okay, B, so this is cool---but WHAT does this have to do with waffles at all?
Well, I'll tell you--in simplest terms, I've not gotten a message to make pumpkin waffles until now. Well, by "now", I mean I've second guessed myself five times. Yep, 5. I've asked things like, "Are you sure now? Do I really need canned pumpkin? Who cares about pumpkin after Turkey Day? Is this pumpkin overkill?"
So, I'm trying something new in addition to forgiving and loving myself. It is trusting the messages my inner wisdom shares with me--even if it's the 5th time. The messages don't need to be massive revelations--they can be simple, everyday things. Those in fact add up to massive revelations like the gratitude I have for being here, in this moment, making you waffles and being able to care for myself.
Namaste & enjoy!