Whisking Outside the Box
  • Blog
  • Meet Brooke
  • Work with me
    • Health Coaching
    • Angel Card Readings
    • Got any other ideas?
  • My Favorite Things
    • Gluten Free Baking Academy
    • Manduka Yoga
    • Thrive Market
    • Danielle LaPorte
    • On My Bookshelf
  • Contact

Reflections of Candida, Part 1

8/25/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
Let me tell you a little about me.
-
I'm Brooke, and I'm an eating disorder survivor. And having Candida overgrowth is causing me some major anxiety.
-
From the day I made the decision (yes, I consciously decided) to suffer from anorexia at 17 years old, I've struggled with my eating. How many calories, counting carbs, protein, etc. vs how many calories I've incinerated at the gym...it's been a long, tiring, muscle depleting process.
-
My college years were spent either in the gym, stressing out over grades/classes/tests, or praying to God I'd make it through the night. Since then, some years are better than others. Hell, some days are better than others. It's taken a lot of vigilance and a commitment to staying healthy which fuels me to keep my weight up and help other reach their health and weight loss goals.
-
But, this Candida overgrowth feels like a cruel joke. It's so confusing to sift through what I can/can't eat, or what "phase" of the diet I'm in, or when I need to begin reintegrating forbidden foods back in. It's an endless trial and error process, one which has led to a lot of sleepless nights praying (more like trying to force my angels to tell me) for which foods/methods will help. And I'm just smack out of ideas.
-
Food smells weird to me now. Food tastes different now. I'm using very little spices and am breaking apart my food decisions with a toothpick. Can I have carbs? Can I not? Is three days of squash too many? It's enough to take me right back to my 19 year old self crying over whether or not to eat a cinnamon roll to celebrate my birthday or to push it away and make up yet another excuse as to why I am not eating anymore.
-
I've lost weight. Like a lot more than I thought I would. In fact, people are starting to ask if I'm sick because clothes are hanging on me awkwardly. And the psychological aspect of the weight loss is getting to me. I've begun to be afraid of eating carbs. And at the same time, I'm afraid of throwing my body into some sort of ketosis by eating no carbs. I'm not working out at all because my fatigue is still awful. And I feel bad because I'm not working out.
-
Those conversations are what it's like to be in my head. A double edged sword in my head. It's the back and forth I'm so used to and wears me down even more than the physical fatigue.
-
I'm working on giving myself space. I'm working on being able to breathe through this. Work with ease and move with even more ease. Reading my Strala Yoga book by Tara Stiles like its my job. Ease hasn't come "easy" for me. I fight ease. I fight relaxation. I fight self love at times. I definitely fight self care. But, I'm a work in progress. And progress, not perfection is my goal. I'm not giving up. I won't give up. I won't ever give up. 💜
2 Comments
shareit.onl link
4/8/2024 02:58:23 pm

I wanted to express my gratitude for your insightful and engaging article. Your writing is clear and easy to follow, and I appreciated the way you presented your ideas in a thoughtful and organized manner. Your analysis was both thought-provoking and well-researched, and I enjoyed the real-life examples you used to illustrate your points. Your article has provided me with a fresh perspective on the subject matter and has inspired me to think more deeply about this topic.

Reply
mxplayer.pro link
4/8/2024 02:59:45 pm

I wanted to express my gratitude for your insightful and engaging article. Your writing is clear and easy to follow, and I appreciated the way you presented your ideas in a thoughtful and organized manner. Your analysis was both thought-provoking and well-researched, and I enjoyed the real-life examples you used to illustrate your points. Your article has provided me with a fresh perspective on the subject matter and has inspired me to think more deeply about this topic.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    April 2016

    Manduka
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Blog
  • Meet Brooke
  • Work with me
    • Health Coaching
    • Angel Card Readings
    • Got any other ideas?
  • My Favorite Things
    • Gluten Free Baking Academy
    • Manduka Yoga
    • Thrive Market
    • Danielle LaPorte
    • On My Bookshelf
  • Contact