So, the progress I'm making is quite slow.
It's almost like I'm a tree being re-rooted and finding a new place to grow.
Maybe in a sense I am.
While the yeast overgrowth is dying off, which is welcome news for sure,
Seems it's awakened a slumbering virus to come knocking at my door.
So, on top of the diet, the new supplements, and teas,
The fatigue I'm dealing with keeps knocking me to my knees.
But at least I know a reason, though it sucks for someone at my age,
Why are you so sick Brooke? It's mono, I say in shame.
Shame because I'm older
Shame because I feel life is passing me by.
The dreams and visions I wanted just months ago
Just seem so damn far away.
"It's the virus" I'm told,
which zaps my zest for life.
The reshifting of my brain and gut chemistry will settle down
And then my dreams will ignite.
But, this in between, this not knowing a vision
Honestly leaves me being the woman without a mission.
I've always been so driven.
I've always strived towards a goal.
Now it seems my only job
Is to stay awake through the day is all.
I know I'm frustrated.
I want it all to end.
Why did this happen to me?
When life keeps rolling for all my friends?
Marriages, babies, school, the works.
Sometimes seeing them progressing just hurts.
I've shied away from a lot of my friends.
Sometimes it's just been too tough.
To see their lives moving forward
And seeing me stuck in a rut.
Yes, I know it's my ego.
I know my path is my own.
I know this is leading me
To the place I will call home.
This time is just hard.
I'm uncomfortable here.
Yet, I'm going to keep pressing on,
Despite all of my ever present fears.
Things will get better.
My body will start to strengthen.
The yeast balance will be resumed and
My uncertainly will weaken.
The virus will once again be dormant,
Not being an old friend.
The hopes and dreams I have for life
Will one day light up and have no end.