Back in my younger days, I was quite a negative person. I focused on the bad stuff, and consequently, the bad stuff was what I received. Sometimes it was subtle, sometimes it was overt, but that negative 'tude permeated by entire being.
I've been aware of this lean towards the negative for many years. And while I did try to "change" many times, the attempts were futile. Why? Because I didn't believe I could. The attempts weren't heartfelt. Just repeating words of gratitude were simply that--just repeating words. There was no real desire to change behind these prayers, the words were cloaked in failure and felt fake coming out of my mouth.
And that was how I lived for many years, stuck in an endless cycle of trying to change, failing, getting fed up, trying to change, and failing again. This cycle wasn't only used in my search for gratitude. In fact, it was how I lived my entire life...but those other things are for other posts 😬
Enter in chronic fatigue syndrome. Enter in my healing team. Enter in the complete review of my entire life during this illness. And enter in an actual awakening to how powerful gratitude can be.
It started with beginning to just be thankful for the food I'm eating to heal my body. Just being thankful for the vibrant colors. Thankful for the fruits which I started eating again. Thankful for the energy to prepare the food.
And then it began to be more about everything else: the job which allows me to pay for these foods; the time to write and create a blog; the patience to deal with myself as I detox and heal; the friends in IG and in real life I've made along this healing path; the music which has touched me so deep as I heal; the parents who have cared for me when I wasn't able to care for myself; the ability to be able to move home; and, the ability to allow myself to be cared for when all I wanted to do was shut down and put up so many guarded walls.
It's shifted a lot of my perspective. It's brought more light into my life. My heart actually swells when I say my prayers now before each meal and before I go to bed. I'm seeing new opportunities where they used to not be any. I'm opening up to the possibility my world doesn't need to be so negative. I believe it can be good, it can be positive, and it can be full of gratitude.
I hope wherever you are on this path called life you choose to open your heart to the ability to be thankful. Because it's certainly changing my life for the better. It's bringing healing to places I never knew existed.